I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
