just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
