there's paper in my vomit.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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