it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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