I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
