i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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