3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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