I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
