Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
