I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
