But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
