I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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