i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You were trust falling into bushes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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