i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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