doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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