If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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