I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
