dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize