Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
