Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
