when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
