I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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