Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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