Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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