Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
