hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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