did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
