I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
