I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
