When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
