so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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