I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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