thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
