they need to just BURY HIM!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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