this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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