I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
