now i know why i became what i already was.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
