She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
