I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
