Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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