I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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