It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
