highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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