dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
