i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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