Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
