So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
