I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Randomize
