She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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