i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
