There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
