I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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