I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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