Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
