Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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