When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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