The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
