Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
