i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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