and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
