he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
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This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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