I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
