It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
