i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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