totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
