someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
