Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
