At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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