he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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