she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
