fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
