guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
