I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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