I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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