No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
