4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
