I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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