So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
