you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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