I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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