I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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