I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
