He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you had me at cake vodka
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
