LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
